Archive for July, 2009

If you are close to me, then you might know that my Mom is not actually my best friend kind of Mom. In fact, in most of the days of our lives, we spent it arguing with each other. This morning was kind of different. It was one of the rare days that Mom would surprise me with her Mommy power.

What happened?

Well, I have been working my ass out to cope up with the financial needs in the house and my Mom knows that I do my best in everything. Even if we argue a lot, she knows that she brought me up well and that I am a responsible person.

So, when I arrived home from the office she asked, ”Aren’t you going to sleep yet?” I answered, “No, just finishing up some things to be able to work smoothly next week.” She then went down stairs, and when she came back, she brought me a cup of hot noodles. With a smile on my face, I said thanks. We had a bit of a chit-chat then I told her I am just gonna sleep now then work on things later when I wake up. She then leaves the room smiling.

I can’t help but appreciate her being a Mom when she does that, and maybe its good the she rarely do that for me to appreciate her greately.

Being a Mom is not a simple thing. Not all women are blessed to have this gift. God had choosen me to be a mother of two at a young age. I admit that I don’t think I was ready for such responsibility when I got pregnant, but I let His will be done. So, I take on love and life with an additional two precious lives attached to me.

Like my Mom, I think I am not the best friend kind of Mom, because often times when I correct my daughter, I lose patience and shout at her. But, that doesn’t stop us from loving each other. It hurts me when I do those kind of things. STRESS just sucks the hell out of me most of the time, that I could not control my temper. However, I do my best in avoiding those situations.

So, my daughter may be scared of me when I get angry, but at least she knows well enough that she could count on me for comfort. Just awhile ago, she went into my room bringing a fake flower.

She comes closer and tells me, “Mommy, this is for you.” I smiled and kissed her. She then snuggled with me in my bed and told me, “I locked my room.” She then covered her ears, “Lola Mommy is going to shout at me.” I smiled and say, “It’s okay. Mommy will handle it. Just go to sleep so that Lola Mommy won’t have the chance to shout at you.” So, not long after our talk, I heard a snore. She had fallen asleep while I was writing this post.

This is a beautiful day. I am feeling the love of the family and that just inspires me to work my ass out.

This morning, I was thinking about that topic. I even asked my friend, Lorie about it since she has a better faith than I do.

So, I was losing it because I saw a comment in a video on youtube saying, “The bible is just a big fairy tale.” It got me thinking, because the persons explanation made sense.

So, does God really exist or believers are crazy people because they keep on talking to their mind; seeing, hearing and feeling things?

My friend Lorie shared to me stories of why she believes and what led her to have strong faith. Though it is a fact that there are errors in the bible, as a priest would explain, “because it was made by human, and human as we are we make mistakes.”

If you would analyze the bible literally, it would lead you from confusion to nowhere. I think we have to read it with an open mind and heart.

I am still confuse now as to whether God really exist or not, but I am not turning myself to be an Athiest. For now, I admit I am confuse, but I’ll try to see things as others sees it, like my friend Lorie and my beloved Paul.

There is just something missing in my life for me to see things clearly. After all, my life is good. I am sitting in my bed, typing on my notebook, aircon turned on and eating Calea Sans Rival Mocha.

I’ll continue to find the answers to my questions while slightly believing that God do exist, for the reason that I believe love do exist even if I can’t see it. After all, they say God is love. So, there …

Let me know what you think. Maybe, you are the key to open the doors to clear my mind with this confusion.