You Are Viewing My Family

My room is my personal space and I think for majority as well. In my room is a TV, aircon, 2 computer tables, a cabinet, a dresser and a queen size bed. It is just a half the size of my parents bedroom.

My parents have this huge Masters Bedroom with two queen size bed, CR, dresser, cabinet, 2 small tables, aircon and used to have TV.

Long ago, when I was working night shift my Mom decided to transfer to my room for one major reason which is to save electricity; so that only one room will be using aircon, one on TV and light. It seems reasonable, so I agree. Anyway, that time I only sleep for 2 hours a day so I really don’t stay much at home. Now I am a freelancer, so most of the time I am home and in my bedroom.

There was a time when I traveled for 3 days with my friends, and came back home that my room was re-arranged without my permission. I don’t know what you think, but for me it was a big deal – IT’S MY ROOM, MY SPACE, MINE MINE MINE! But I let it pass, since all of us are sleeping in my room (YES ALL, including the helpers! Of all the rooms in the house; guest room, maids room, masters bedroom, my cousins room and my room – my Mom chooses to be in my room.) However, as I do my daily activities I would always require our helper to look for things they kept when they arranged my room. This irritates me because if not for the re-arranging, I could have looked for it myself and would have found it in a minimum time, even if my room is messy.

Right now, I am just pissed off. But what can I do, this is not my house to manage! This is one of the major reason why I wanted to have a home of my own.

Patience …

Isang is my niece. Her real name is Allyssa and she turned 7 last September 27. Her Mom who is my cousin prepared a party for her at Mc Donalds. Here are pics:

I feel at peace right now. So, I am writing this with a clear mind.

I know there are people who doesn’t like me, but who doesn’t have someone disliking them? Even “Saints” have those. So, who am I to be more “goody” than they are?

So, what do I have to say to my haters?

“If you have nothing good to say, SHUT the #@^% UP!”

I think for now, I consider that as an accomplishment! If you know me personally, I WAS a “war-freak” but I guess when you have almost everything you wanted in life, you just learn how to understand and symphatize with others.

So what changed me?

Firstly, I would like to mention LOVE. That word is complicated, but one reason why I believe in “God” is because I believe in love. As they say, God is Love! I am in love with a person I know who loves me as well. On what level you might ask? Well, to the point, that we’ve faced teenage life together, learned love and those other “first” special things. We hated each other at one point, but things just have its own way of linking us back together. Most of the time, we’re friends who openly discuss things about life in general. Do we understand each other? I guess pretty much, yes! We learned to understand each other, by knowing each others background. After all, he is the only man I have known for the longest time in my life and remained to be in touch. He accepts me for who I am – FULLY! He is not funny, but he makes me happy.

So, with Love comes LUST? To be honest, I guess TV has been helpful in my case. Whether TV is making me crazy, or it is just the best therapy for this kind of situation. Did I mention, my love and I are worlds apart? If I haven’t, well now you know we are. There’s only one thing he asked of me, “be good.” So, I do it the very best. Let’s go back to TV. I haven’t had sexual partner for quite some time now, so I watch TV to somehow fill that patch of my life Not that I watch porn and satisfy myself, but I guess just seeing those romantic movies (mostly romantic comedy) and seeing those people making love, is satisfying enough for me. I don’t play with myself if that is what you are thinking. I plainly watch it and let my heart feel the love. So porn is not effective on me, I am more into seeing the “love” in the story, rather than the “ahh.. ahh.. ohhh” thing.

I love my FAMILY! Quote from Lilo and Stitch, “This is my family. It’s small and it’s broken, but it’s good. Yeah, it’s good.” My family is just perfect for me.

One important aspect in life is MONEY, so do I have that? I don’t earn as much as most of the people around me, but I earn enough to slowly get on my feet. I know I would get to the point in where I would accomplish all of my dreams. So, now I am working hard on achieving it and enjoying my career as I go along with it.

With the busy schedule I have, it was hard for me to be in touch with my FRIENDS. In life, as we experience things, we learn from it and GROW. I’ve lost a few friends and gained a lot. In friendship, I have learned that it is important to have a balanced give and take relationship, because if one thing is short, then it would just fall off.

I value each person that comes into my life and I just wish that I have more time to spend knowing and building relationship but I don’t hold time and there is only 24 hours a day. Nothing much I could do with that but spend it wisely.

I may view things differently than others would normally do but try to open your mind. I belive, I am not a bad person. If you see me that way, then suit yourself. But I don’t think I have done anything to harm anybody. If I have caused you harm, then I am sorry.

I am happy, and I hope you are as well.

Enjoy Life!

If you are close to me, then you might know that my Mom is not actually my best friend kind of Mom. In fact, in most of the days of our lives, we spent it arguing with each other. This morning was kind of different. It was one of the rare days that Mom would surprise me with her Mommy power.

What happened?

Well, I have been working my ass out to cope up with the financial needs in the house and my Mom knows that I do my best in everything. Even if we argue a lot, she knows that she brought me up well and that I am a responsible person.

So, when I arrived home from the office she asked, ”Aren’t you going to sleep yet?” I answered, “No, just finishing up some things to be able to work smoothly next week.” She then went down stairs, and when she came back, she brought me a cup of hot noodles. With a smile on my face, I said thanks. We had a bit of a chit-chat then I told her I am just gonna sleep now then work on things later when I wake up. She then leaves the room smiling.

I can’t help but appreciate her being a Mom when she does that, and maybe its good the she rarely do that for me to appreciate her greately.

Being a Mom is not a simple thing. Not all women are blessed to have this gift. God had choosen me to be a mother of two at a young age. I admit that I don’t think I was ready for such responsibility when I got pregnant, but I let His will be done. So, I take on love and life with an additional two precious lives attached to me.

Like my Mom, I think I am not the best friend kind of Mom, because often times when I correct my daughter, I lose patience and shout at her. But, that doesn’t stop us from loving each other. It hurts me when I do those kind of things. STRESS just sucks the hell out of me most of the time, that I could not control my temper. However, I do my best in avoiding those situations.

So, my daughter may be scared of me when I get angry, but at least she knows well enough that she could count on me for comfort. Just awhile ago, she went into my room bringing a fake flower.

She comes closer and tells me, “Mommy, this is for you.” I smiled and kissed her. She then snuggled with me in my bed and told me, “I locked my room.” She then covered her ears, “Lola Mommy is going to shout at me.” I smiled and say, “It’s okay. Mommy will handle it. Just go to sleep so that Lola Mommy won’t have the chance to shout at you.” So, not long after our talk, I heard a snore. She had fallen asleep while I was writing this post.

This is a beautiful day. I am feeling the love of the family and that just inspires me to work my ass out.

Well, most of the times we do fight because of our differences. We just have different personalities, because we grew up in a very different scenario.

My Mom is a second child and my lola died not long after she was born. So, my lolo married the sister of my lola and they have two children. Her second Mom, though blood related, was really not as caring as a Mom should be; of course the second Mom obviously treated her children well or better than she treat the first two children of my lolo. So, that was the history of my Mom.

This is mine: I am an only child, and my parents tried having a child for 6 years before they had me. They adopted my Mom sister’s youngest son. It was not a legal adoption, however my cousin-brother Leo or Tong-Tong as we call him, stayed with my parents since he was just 2 months old. He may have different family name than ours, but surely we treated him better than my second lola treated my Mom.

I was born with a silver spoon and raised up like a princess while my Mom was raised like Cinderella by her stepmother. My Dad just happened to be a prince charming that made my Mom a princess, and now the Queen of our house.

When I was a teenager, I questioned if my Mom really loves me because she doesn’t seem to act like she does. Then I grew up and realized that when I was on my teenage years, I was selfish; All I ever think about is myself and how to enjoy it without thinking of the consequences and others. I guess it is a part of growing up, as we grow old we realized that we are not the only ones that needs to be happy and that we start to care for other people, have an open mind on things and strength to handle all life’s challenges.

In terms of love, my Mom is lucky that she had married her first love. Though, I was not as lucky (is it too early to tell? I am not married yet – so I guess, we’ll see); I could say that I have become a better person and learned what love is better than my Mom.

Often, our personalities would clash because she thinks that she is the only person in this world that knows how to love (yeah right!). I know, that my life now is not what they imagined it would be – but so far, I am happy and satisfied.

OKAY – With those differences we have, I have come to understand how she shows love and that is very different than how I would show it. My Mom is not good in speaking it, nor showing it, but there would come a time that if you would think or see deeper on her actions, you will get the real meaning of it.

Here are some of the situations I could explain:

• She drops me off to school and waited until my class is over and fetch me. This goes since I started going to school until I graduated in high school. If this was me, I would not waste my time sitting around just waiting, but you see – love is patient, so she waited patiently for me. I hate wasting time.
• She would blame me for the wrong things I have done, shout at me and would even bring it to my face repeatedly every time we fight. If this was me, I would only make a person realize his or her mistakes once by explaining it to him or her the moment or after he or she had committed it then the next day is a different one. I hate to repeat myself. However, my Mom just cares enough to remind me or maybe she is just too forgetful that she has forgotten she said those things to me already.

There are a million things that I could tell and show our differences and how I have come to realize the true meaning of her actions, but I could summarize in few words the reasons why I love her.

I love my Mom because even if she hates what I have become, she still loves me and my kids. Even though I am a mother and a professional, she still pampers me like a baby. I love her, because I have come to realize that as a Mother, there is no job in this world that could top how hard it is (because it is an ALL IN ONE job) – especially to be a full time Mom.

To tell you, me going night shift and to be able to spend my time with my daughter during the day time made me realize this things. Sleeping is a good thing, but to sacrifice it to see meaningful moments is worth more than a million treasures.

Yesterday, I received some money, so I was able to pay my debt to my Mom. Upon paying her, she smiled and I could feel that she is happy. We are kind of short in terms of money lately. That is why I think she is glad I was able to pay her. I also told her I would be helping her with some of the payments and she was happy about it.

My Mom is in a good mood if she have money This morning she was able to control her temper when I gave her some.

Well, I guess, that’s my Mom.

I used to be a dog lover, as I have mentioned on my former post “My Dogs.” I have guard dogs when I was still a baby. As I was growing up, I love and lived with dogs around me. Until Riches died. He was the last dog that I loved. I was really broken hearted when he died that I never loved dogs the same way.

Yes, I do like dogs, but don’t love them like I used to.

Memories of Riches:

• He used to make me as his map. Yes a floor map! He would grab my hair and pull it whenever I lay down on the floor. He looks like a floor map himself. He is such a cutie!
• We used to kiss on public places, even if he hasn’t brushed.
• I used to bring him wherever I go and carry him like a baby in my arms.

Happy times …

I had a chat with my cousin in Sydney, Australia last night. She invited me to go there. She said, she would give me a tour of Sydney. WOW, I wish I could go there soon.

I asked her if she knows all of her cousins, because we have A LOT of cousins Though, not like Stitch (Experiment 626) that has 625 or even more cousins. Anyway, she said she lost track with one of our Tita’s children, but the rest, she knows them. I really felt ashamed of myself that even though my cousins are on the same country I am or even same region, I don’t know most of them. I only know those who are close to me, or those who have stayed at home. The rest … I am sorry … but I am really poor in remembering names or faces.

I told my cousin that I am not really in touch with people outside the virtual world. So it was a good thing I found her here.

It was nice to be in touch with relatives out of the country. Internet just makes life easier for us.

Recently, I have not been in touch with my friend in real life, but I am actively communicating with the one’s on virtual world.

Whenever a friend asks me to go out, to watch a movie or do something, I reject it saying “I am too busy” to give them of their request. Yes, I am indeed super busy now and bonding with my family is enough for me. After all, if I want to discuss things, my friends online (some are my X’s and friends in real life but just communicating online) are there.

I want to share a certain situation in which I find DISTURBING!

A friend owes me money since the time of her wedding (that was December 2007). I have nothing to give at that time, so I asked my parents if they could lend money for her. So they did, after all she has been my friend since high school and she is really dear to me.

Recently, she asked me if I could lend her some more because she needs it. Still unpaid of her previous debts, but she was asking for more. Again, I could have given her, if I have the money, yet I myself is sunked in with all the debts I have (specially on the credit cards).

Two days ago, I read on her blog that she was asking for help for some people to be able to help her friend – financially. My reaction was – WTF! She can’t even pay me her debts, yet she is helping out other people? I can’t help but comment on her blog.

Then she replied stating that a friend was in critical condition and that needed some money for the hospital. Then she further explains that this friend is someone who referred her to the business that she is running now, and that even though she won’t earn anything from the things she is selling, she would give it out just to repay her debt to this friend in need.

OKAY! Reality check, her husband is working in a call center and earning a bit above average income, have a tuition fee for a private school to cover, she have this business of buy and sell and they have debts.

I remember an article I have read about debts, this was before I had credit card, but at first I didn’t belive this, until I was drowned with debts I had for my credit card. The article has one message to say, “It is ALWAYS bad to spend money that is not rightfully or trully yours.”

In my case, I have no problem since I would only be imprisoned if I could not pay my debts. On my friends case, she owes money to her friends, and still asking money from some? What kind of life she is living? Debt life?

For someone who is in the same situation as my friend, this I would suggest for you:

• If you have friends in critical condition and that needed money for the hospital. PRAY for them! Money could not save a life, it could only pay the bills (I have mentioned this to my friend as well).
• Pay your debts first, before you give to others. After all, it is pretty awkward to give if you don’t have some extra. You are not being fair to those whom you owe money to.
• Owe money to someone – one at a time. Pay first to someone you owe money to, before you ask for it again or ask someone else for it.

Also, my friend mentioned that I should not comment on her blog about personal things, because she is building a reputation on her online business and that blog is not for her personal use but for business.

Well, now it is business to ask for help for a friend in need in the hospital, as she has posted it on her blog. As I could see it, its not purely business if you state it that way.

But anyway, this has already been a long post … even I would not read this kind of long post

Good Luck to my so-called friend and to her business. May she be successful in it so that she could pay her debts and eventually be debt free.

To know more about my expenses, I pay for the following:

• Php 7,000 for the lot I bought at Jaro / month for 10 years
• Php 25,000 for my HSBC credit card – it has reached my limit. I KNOW! I am paying at least Php 1,000 for this every month just to keep it running.
• Php 25,000 for my Citibank credit card – it has reached my limit. YES AGAIN! I have closed this one, and paying at least Php 4,000 / month for 2 years.
• Php 999 / month for Smart Bro
• Php 799 / month for Smart Bro Plug-it
• Php 800 / month for my Globe Handyphone Plan
• 2 children to take care of: medicines, milk, diapers, toys
• Php 3,000 / month for insurance for 5 years

Somehow, I have manage to survive with these. I also pay the bills for our landline and car fuel if I have an extra.

I have debt of Php 10,000 from my Mom for my daughter’s 4th birthday, and I still owe her that much since I freakn lost the money that could have been my payment for her.

SO FOR THOSE WHO WANTED TO HELP ME OUT WITH THIS EXPENSES I HAVE. I WOULD SURELY ACCEPT YOUR OFFER. THANK YOU!

I don’t know if I will ever use my MacBook again, but my dad got it fixed and had upgraded it to 150GB.

Maybe, I will be using it on my photo editing since I have a lot of plans on my photo’s.

Soon, there will be changes on my blogs. I will be re-doing most of it, freshen the content and design … etc.

Good Luck to me