I know there are people who doesn’t like me, but who doesn’t have someone disliking them? Even “Saints” have those. So, who am I to be more “goody” than they are?

So, what do I have to say to my haters?

“If you have nothing good to say, SHUT the #@^% UP!”

I think for now, I consider that as an accomplishment! If you know me personally, I WAS a “war-freak” but I guess when you have almost everything you wanted in life, you just learn how to understand and symphatize with others.

So what changed me?

Firstly, I would like to mention LOVE. That word is complicated, but one reason why I believe in “God” is because I believe in love. As they say, God is Love! I am in love with a person I know who loves me as well. On what level you might ask? Well, to the point, that we’ve faced teenage life together, learned love and those other “first” special things. We hated each other at one point, but things just have its own way of linking us back together. Most of the time, we’re friends who openly discuss things about life in general. Do we understand each other? I guess pretty much, yes! We learned to understand each other, by knowing each others background. After all, he is the only man I have known for the longest time in my life and remained to be in touch. He accepts me for who I am – FULLY! He is not funny, but he makes me happy.

So, with Love comes LUST? To be honest, I guess TV has been helpful in my case. Whether TV is making me crazy, or it is just the best therapy for this kind of situation. Did I mention, my love and I are worlds apart? If I haven’t, well now you know we are. There’s only one thing he asked of me, “be good.” So, I do it the very best. Let’s go back to TV. I haven’t had sexual partner for quite some time now, so I watch TV to somehow fill that patch of my life Not that I watch porn and satisfy myself, but I guess just seeing those romantic movies (mostly romantic comedy) and seeing those people making love, is satisfying enough for me. I don’t play with myself if that is what you are thinking. I plainly watch it and let my heart feel the love. So porn is not effective on me, I am more into seeing the “love” in the story, rather than the “ahh.. ahh.. ohhh” thing.

I love my FAMILY! Quote from Lilo and Stitch, “This is my family. It’s small and it’s broken, but it’s good. Yeah, it’s good.” My family is just perfect for me.

One important aspect in life is MONEY, so do I have that? I don’t earn as much as most of the people around me, but I earn enough to slowly get on my feet. I know I would get to the point in where I would accomplish all of my dreams. So, now I am working hard on achieving it and enjoying my career as I go along with it.

With the busy schedule I have, it was hard for me to be in touch with my FRIENDS. In life, as we experience things, we learn from it and GROW. I’ve lost a few friends and gained a lot. In friendship, I have learned that it is important to have a balanced give and take relationship, because if one thing is short, then it would just fall off.

I value each person that comes into my life and I just wish that I have more time to spend knowing and building relationship but I don’t hold time and there is only 24 hours a day. Nothing much I could do with that but spend it wisely.

I may view things differently than others would normally do but try to open your mind. I belive, I am not a bad person. If you see me that way, then suit yourself. But I don’t think I have done anything to harm anybody. If I have caused you harm, then I am sorry.

I am happy, and I hope you are as well.

Enjoy Life!

What happened?

Well, I have been working my ass out to cope up with the financial needs in the house and my Mom knows that I do my best in everything. Even if we argue a lot, she knows that she brought me up well and that I am a responsible person.

So, when I arrived home from the office she asked, ”Aren’t you going to sleep yet?” I answered, “No, just finishing up some things to be able to work smoothly next week.” She then went down stairs, and when she came back, she brought me a cup of hot noodles. With a smile on my face, I said thanks. We had a bit of a chit-chat then I told her I am just gonna sleep now then work on things later when I wake up. She then leaves the room smiling.

I can’t help but appreciate her being a Mom when she does that, and maybe its good the she rarely do that for me to appreciate her greately.

Being a Mom is not a simple thing. Not all women are blessed to have this gift. God had choosen me to be a mother of two at a young age. I admit that I don’t think I was ready for such responsibility when I got pregnant, but I let His will be done. So, I take on love and life with an additional two precious lives attached to me.

Like my Mom, I think I am not the best friend kind of Mom, because often times when I correct my daughter, I lose patience and shout at her. But, that doesn’t stop us from loving each other. It hurts me when I do those kind of things. STRESS just sucks the hell out of me most of the time, that I could not control my temper. However, I do my best in avoiding those situations.

So, my daughter may be scared of me when I get angry, but at least she knows well enough that she could count on me for comfort. Just awhile ago, she went into my room bringing a fake flower.

She comes closer and tells me, “Mommy, this is for you.” I smiled and kissed her. She then snuggled with me in my bed and told me, “I locked my room.” She then covered her ears, “Lola Mommy is going to shout at me.” I smiled and say, “It’s okay. Mommy will handle it. Just go to sleep so that Lola Mommy won’t have the chance to shout at you.” So, not long after our talk, I heard a snore. She had fallen asleep while I was writing this post.

This is a beautiful day. I am feeling the love of the family and that just inspires me to work my ass out.

So, I was losing it because I saw a comment in a video on youtube saying, “The bible is just a big fairy tale.” It got me thinking, because the persons explanation made sense.

So, does God really exist or believers are crazy people because they keep on talking to their mind; seeing, hearing and feeling things?

My friend Lorie shared to me stories of why she believes and what led her to have strong faith. Though it is a fact that there are errors in the bible, as a priest would explain, “because it was made by human, and human as we are we make mistakes.”

If you would analyze the bible literally, it would lead you from confusion to nowhere. I think we have to read it with an open mind and heart.

I am still confuse now as to whether God really exist or not, but I am not turning myself to be an Athiest. For now, I admit I am confuse, but I’ll try to see things as others sees it, like my friend Lorie and my beloved Paul.

There is just something missing in my life for me to see things clearly. After all, my life is good. I am sitting in my bed, typing on my notebook, aircon turned on and eating Calea Sans Rival Mocha.

I’ll continue to find the answers to my questions while slightly believing that God do exist, for the reason that I believe love do exist even if I can’t see it. After all, they say God is love. So, there …

Let me know what you think. Maybe, you are the key to open the doors to clear my mind with this confusion.

I haven’t finished the book yet, but I am like 80% done. This is the reason why I stopped:

… when I’m beating deadlines, very busy writing articles on my computer and then see my little son playing on the floor … I decide to leave my chair and sit on the floor with him …

I waste 35 minutes of my precious “executive” time for something that others would consider completely unproductive …

Did you notice something wrong in that statement? I DID! I would go straight to the point, it was the word “WASTE.” WHY it caught my attention? For me, that word is a negative one, and for him to use it as something to describe a time he spent for his son, just doesn’t seem to fit for me. A better statement could have been: “I SPENT 35 minutes of my precious …”

I am a person who often uses a wrong word in a statement, whether it be a dialect or english. I would then notice that after a second I mentioned it then try to correct myself if I have a chance to do so. Also, recently I’m noticing the goodness in things, so when a negative things come up, it really disapoints me.

Well, that’s me. What about you? What do you think?

My Mom is a second child and my lola died not long after she was born. So, my lolo married the sister of my lola and they have two children. Her second Mom, though blood related, was really not as caring as a Mom should be; of course the second Mom obviously treated her children well or better than she treat the first two children of my lolo. So, that was the history of my Mom.

This is mine: I am an only child, and my parents tried having a child for 6 years before they had me. They adopted my Mom sister’s youngest son. It was not a legal adoption, however my cousin-brother Leo or Tong-Tong as we call him, stayed with my parents since he was just 2 months old. He may have different family name than ours, but surely we treated him better than my second lola treated my Mom.

I was born with a silver spoon and raised up like a princess while my Mom was raised like Cinderella by her stepmother. My Dad just happened to be a prince charming that made my Mom a princess, and now the Queen of our house.

When I was a teenager, I questioned if my Mom really loves me because she doesn’t seem to act like she does. Then I grew up and realized that when I was on my teenage years, I was selfish; All I ever think about is myself and how to enjoy it without thinking of the consequences and others. I guess it is a part of growing up, as we grow old we realized that we are not the only ones that needs to be happy and that we start to care for other people, have an open mind on things and strength to handle all life’s challenges.

In terms of love, my Mom is lucky that she had married her first love. Though, I was not as lucky (is it too early to tell? I am not married yet – so I guess, we’ll see); I could say that I have become a better person and learned what love is better than my Mom.

Often, our personalities would clash because she thinks that she is the only person in this world that knows how to love (yeah right!). I know, that my life now is not what they imagined it would be – but so far, I am happy and satisfied.

OKAY – With those differences we have, I have come to understand how she shows love and that is very different than how I would show it. My Mom is not good in speaking it, nor showing it, but there would come a time that if you would think or see deeper on her actions, you will get the real meaning of it.

Here are some of the situations I could explain:

• She drops me off to school and waited until my class is over and fetch me. This goes since I started going to school until I graduated in high school. If this was me, I would not waste my time sitting around just waiting, but you see – love is patient, so she waited patiently for me. I hate wasting time.
• She would blame me for the wrong things I have done, shout at me and would even bring it to my face repeatedly every time we fight. If this was me, I would only make a person realize his or her mistakes once by explaining it to him or her the moment or after he or she had committed it then the next day is a different one. I hate to repeat myself. However, my Mom just cares enough to remind me or maybe she is just too forgetful that she has forgotten she said those things to me already.

There are a million things that I could tell and show our differences and how I have come to realize the true meaning of her actions, but I could summarize in few words the reasons why I love her.

I love my Mom because even if she hates what I have become, she still loves me and my kids. Even though I am a mother and a professional, she still pampers me like a baby. I love her, because I have come to realize that as a Mother, there is no job in this world that could top how hard it is (because it is an ALL IN ONE job) – especially to be a full time Mom.

To tell you, me going night shift and to be able to spend my time with my daughter during the day time made me realize this things. Sleeping is a good thing, but to sacrifice it to see meaningful moments is worth more than a million treasures.

ONLY AVAILABLE WITHIN ILOILO CITY!

Every Valentines, Iloilo Postal office would have this Valentine Treat; If you buy a cookie, they would deliver it to your love ones on Valentines. But, since this year Valentines falls on a Saturday, most offices would be close, so you have an option to set the date: February 13 (Friday) to be delivered in the offices or February 14 (Saturday) to be delivered to a residence (ONLY WITHIN ILOILO CITY).

If you want to order, just message me (that is if you personally know me – so that you could pay me for your order) on my YM, text me 09176229130 or ask someone you know who works in the Iloilo City Postal office.

DEADLINE FOR YOUR ORDER WOULD BE ON: February 9, 2009 (MONDAY)

I would need the following info for your order:

• Full Name of the person you want to send the heart cookies.
• Full Address for the special delivery.
• Date for delivery (February 13 or 14)
• Package – see below for available packages.

If you want to add some note, you could do so — sweetness

Example:

“Junelle Caravana” 5th Floor Diongjinn Center, #5 Valeria St., Iloilo City, Philippines 5000 – (February 13) = Package 3

Here are the packages:

1. 9 pieces – Php 140
2. 12 pieces – Php 160
3. 15 pieces – Php 180

It’s cheaper than last year. SO ORDER NOW! or … you could give a hint to your love one by referring them to this page

I really like the song

He told me that a person I once knew is hitting on his friend.

Let us call this person “GO” for it would be hard to explain without a codename.

As far as I am concerned this GO have a GF and let us call her “MO.” I also thought that GO is head over heels in love with MO and that is loyal to her. So, I asked my friend, “Is your friends named MO?” He answered me no, and that GO is currently courting his friend, which means, it is another girl.

Well, somehow it brough ease into my heart knowing that I am not hard to love. Some people just don’t know how to do it!

I then have a chit chat with my friend for a long lost communication. If before, we were in a stage of getting to know each other, now we were faced with a situation in where we were getting to know our self.

I then realized that both of us have something in common. We are massochist, but his is worst than mine.

Let me tell you a story about me and being in love. Once upon a time, I have this crush on a chubby person. I thought that I would be happy if I have him on my world. I was able to get his heart, but when I did, I lost the sense of challenge and felt bored being with him. This goes on to all of my relationships. So do you think I know how to love? Is it love that I am looking for or just a challenge in life? I have yet to find out.

This is me:

• I love being ignored, because it challenges me to make things have its twist and most of the time I get the power over this.
• I love being the other woman, because it is a challenge not to get caught by the real one. – Yet, I often wonder how MEN could do it – ha ha ha
• I love being tortured emotionally, yet I don’t like watching movies with sad endings.

My friend however loves to be hurt physically, but I don’t like that … I would fight back if you slap me or spank me

It’s good to have X’s arround as a friend. After all, they are the people whom you have showed your true personality and knows you in and out. They give good advices as well, based on how they know you and how you would react on things. I love being with my X’s if before I plan my world arround them, now I realized, they are just there to keep my world going round

If I say I love you X. It would mean way different than the I love you I sent out before … way way different. After all, I don’t have the lust for them now … HE HE HE … just the feeling of need for someone to talk to. I am glad I still have them on my side …

Thanks for being there … and I love you dear friend!