You Are Viewing Love

Have you ever felt being ready to accept things as life goes by?

I used to have this fear when I was in high school; whenever I go to the school, I would feel my heart pump so fast without even knowing what the reason behind that is. It happens almost everyday, even if there is no scheduled test or exam. Maybe, I was just too scared to face the daily challenges of life. But we can’t stop life or time, we have to face it and just go with the flow.

Recently, I have been feeling this contentment. It seems that I couldn’t do more than what I have, or I could die happy at this stage of my life.

I am just a simple person, with simple dreams:

• My dream job is to sit in front of a computer, in an airconditioned office and type all day long. – The PC or workstation I have may not actually be what I have pictured it before, but literally, I have my dream job.
• I wish to have a son and a daughter. – Though I was planning to have a son as my first child, but I couldn’t predict what, when or with whom Our Creator plan to give it to me, but He did! I am happy for this, since my cousin who has been trying so hard to have a girl for a child since her first birth, had 4 son’s and could never have a child again since it would endanger her life, so she didn’t get a daughter.
• I want the love of my life, love me back. – I have proven he does, but we just have to give way on some things in our life. I don’t know what’s going to happen to us, but just knowing we share the same feelings is enough for me. If I wasn’t patient enough before, I would be now. To live the life that Our Creator has planned for us, because we love Him and we owe everything to Him. Te amo tanto mi Polito, Te extraño.

The dreams I have that has not been fulfilled yet, is to have a house of my own and to live happily with the special person I love with my children.

Life is full of surprises!

(I have no hanky again … DANG!)

I am crying not because we are ending this … but because you have shown me how much you love me. I guess that is all I needed.

It was the most peaceful … sweetest goodbye that could ever happen to someone. I  am glad it happened to me.

I am not selfish … and I know that if it is meant to be … it will happen.

You’re the first beat that I felt … that beat will remain, until I ran out of it and beyond if it could ever happen.

I am happy … Te amo tanto … but I am no equal to my competition … not even a slightest bit … that is why I am not even competing myself for it …

YOUR WILL BE DONE!

I appreciate how technology works, that is why I am a techy person. I admire the way internet makes you feel closer with someone special and the real time viewing that adds excitement in the conversation.

Yesterday was a great day for me, to have the time to have a chit-chat with my dear friend Polito. We knew each other when I started learning how to use the internet. If I am not mistaken it was 1997 that I did learn how to use the internet. We met at the chat of Fortunecity (sadly, now I think it’s gone). We are the usual chatters there, I remember MissLead (Malaysian)  a girl friend of TripMan (American),  DJTechno (Canadian),  Apollyon (mi Polito, Mexican) and AngelPrincessAnya (APA, taken from the movie Anastasia, me, Filipina). There are a lot of others, but I could not remember them. Sadly, MissLead and TripMan broke up but the three of us (Me, Polito and Trippy) were in constant communication, using ICQ. With the lost of chat at Fortunecity, a lot were lost from us as well.

From the nick Apollyon, meaning the destroyer – it is expected that he is rude. He played his role on that nick, but it never stopped us from being friends. He opened my heart to being in love and let me feel the taste of being broken hearted.

Years pass, and I am proud to say that with all the things we had gone through in life, we remained friends.

We miss chatting and having fun together, and yesterday we got what we wanted.

Check out Hannah playing with his Tito Polito:

Comparing our money … of course US $ have higher value than peso. Well at first he showed me his $50, I showed him my Php 50. Then he showed $20 and I showed Php 20, then we went down to cents.

Techy? I think he is much techy than me … he owns a MacBook Pro … I just have a MacBook. He owns an iPhone, I just have an iPod.

That’s my fun time with Polito … from a distance? Yes, but it felt like he was just beside me

While I was blog hopping, I found this:

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
“Oh excuse me please” was my reply.

He said, “Please excuse me too;
I wasn’t watching for you.”

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still..

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
“Move out of the way,” I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken..
I didn’t realize how harshly I’d spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,
God’s still small voice came to me and said,

“While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You’ll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.”

By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
“Wake up, little one, wake up,” I said.

“Are these the flowers you picked for me?”
He smiled, “I found ‘em, out by the tree.

I picked ‘em because they’re pretty like you.
I knew you’d like ‘em, especially the blue.”

I said, “Son, I’m very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn’t have yelled at you that way.”
He said, “Oh, Mom, that’s okay.
I love you anyway.”

I said, “Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.”

FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don’t you think?
So what is behind the story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

Source: SoloFlight

There were times at night I couldn’t sleep only to find myself thinking about life. This is one of those nights. I keep on thinking about my past, present and future. This what comes into my mind:

(To someone) If you think that losing that someone would mean the end of your life, you are wrong. You have yet to learn true love.
Indeed what they say is true, that true love means knowing to let go. You would be proud of yourself when you finally learn to how to love truly.

(To someone else) You know that if I wanted to I could have you with just a click of my hands, but why I choose to let you go. I love and therefore I sacrifice. I don’t think of just myself but what would be best for majority. I am not selfish. You should try it sometimes, to think of what is best for the majority and not just pleasure for yourself. You have to learn to be honest and love yourself first, before you could love someone else truly.
Why I am doing this? I am building for my future now. What is it for me to suffer for my present? I know in doing so, in the future I would be laughing and satisfied. To be able to give the people I love the things they need rather than for me to enjoy life now and in the future regret things. Because for what? I wasn’t able to do my best, or because I was blinded of my love for you that I could not see clearly what future would brings. To have given you everything I have including my pride. My love for you has eaten my personality. It has changed me from what I am before and made me become the achiever that I am now. If weren’t for you, I would be just contented on everything laid down on me. For I was a princess, who just commands and everything has been given. Before, you not being able to give me what I expect was something new for me and maybe it what leads me to know you deeper. It has, and it is not only you that I have known better, but your family, my family, my friends, my enemies and most importantly myself. To have been able to appreciate me, for why people around me look up to me. For why they were so disappointed for what I have become. But I wasn’t. I am happy now, much happier … and maybe if I am still with you, I wouldn’t be as happy.
Only the two of us knows what we have gone through and what we feel for each other. Who is such a bad liar and who is expert in it. It is not something I know others would understand, because they haven’t been through what we had.

(To another someone) I maybe a bitch and was a desperada. If you haven’t gone through that, then maybe you have yet to experience what I have or your life is just simply boring.

At times I pray to God:
“Lord, take my life now. I couldn’t see what difference I could make in or for my future. Just give the life you have shared to me, to someone who needs it the most.”
Yet our Creator choose to let me live. Everyday, it got me thinking, what else has God in-stored for me? I know someone could take care of my children and that people around me loves them and won’t leave them hanging. So, I would be happy leaving them. There seems to be no one needing me badly, that would really be dependent on just me. But, I will wait for my final mission in this world. Until then, you’ll see me around. If you are irritated with me, live with it. Who knows, I might be as irritated of you or even more than you are irritated of me.

If you have been on my side, you’ll know I cry a lot. With this, you will also know I have a strong personality. There is someone I admire for being strong. Maybe if not for her, I would think of life differently. She has been my model after seeing her bravely facing life after being Broken Hearted.

To all my inspirations. THANK YOU!

This morning, I got a surprise gift from Tita Ting. It was a book entitled “When God Created Mothers” by Erma Bombeck. I like to read, but I am not fond of reading long stories. However, this book is really such a cute one and have a very simple short story that will surely touch a mothers heart.

I’d recommend this a thousand times for all the mother out there, or a husband looking for a gift for their wives.

I am so honored and happy to be able to receive this kind of gift, from a woman that is respected by many.

Yeah, you got it right! It had my tears flowing early. 

Is that question often being asked? For me, I don’t usually ask it, nor someone ask me of it. This morning, I kinda did ask Paul about his sleep, because I think he slept with a guilt this morning. And I was really scared that he won’t chat with me anymore. He replied when I did asked him, I am satisfied with it.

After that, I checked Kit’s messages to me, and there it was, “hows your sleep?” Its a great feeling to know that when I care enough for someone to ask that, someone cares enough to ask me of it as well.

Life is indeed getting better, I just hope Paul won’t be too guilty on the things we chatted last night. *Sigh* I like it when he is open, yet it scary when he is too open about everything … this happens!

Oh, I thought I won’t be posting anything tonight. But, I have made my video. I just feel that right now, this is the right song to sing. However, I kinda hate the way I sang it, so I just lip sync. Here it is I can’t memorize the song, I just saw the lyrics today. Hope you’ll sing with me!

Once upon a time, I discovered the world of the internet and I have entered a city called the Fortune City in where chatters all around the world gathered. I made my move, created a name “Angel Princess Anya / APA / Crazy Anya” and interact with the people there. Not long before I made some friends; Apollyon, Tripman and DJ Techno. This Apollyon was such a lover, where in fact his nick means “The Distroyer.” Apollyon has made a mark in my heart, though he is often rude. He became my first love. We parted ways because we can’t handle the craziness of each other.

I then found MIRC, and this time renewed my identity to “Babsy.” I am not comfortable in chatting with some people near me, so I started to have a chat with a person living to a province next to mine. I live in Iloilo and I chatted with a person from Bacolod. His nick was “Suplado Kit.” I don’t know what is with me, but I seem to be attracted with people who have such a rude nick. Though his nick was rude, his personality is so much different. Kit became my First-Personal boyfriend. He treated me like a princess and showed me the care and love that I needed; He would open the doors of my car to let me and my mom in (such a gentleman), He would play bingo with my mom (that is why my Mom loves him) and He would give time every day off he has to visit me, from Sagay, Bacolod to Iloilo. Though this seems to be like a dream-come-true, I was not contented.

At the age of 19, I was overwhelmed with such attraction showed by men. While with Kit, I met Mark. Mark is such a texter that he often gives me a load (to tell you the lowest load available then, was 300) whenever I could not reply. Mark became my closest male friend, because he opens up to me about his problems with his girlfriend and I to him. This closeness lead us into feeling something we shouldn’t. Mark decided that we shouldn’t see each other because it complicates things. I was broken hearted. Eventually, Kit knew about Mark and then he broke up with me. Ouch!

Both Kit and Mark are fat, so whenever I go out, my eyes are attracted to fat people.

I continued my chat habit and this time I was ready to converse with someone close. I joined the Iloilo channel at MIRC. I was broken hearted then, so I keep on posting, “Wanted: Chubby guy, at least 5’7 tall and older than I am.” Someone who’s nick is “Simple Guy,” applied. We chatted, and the thing that I couldn’t forget about this guy is when I told him, I have a lot of bad experiences in life and he replied: “I don’t care about your past. Let’s have our own fresh start.” We did have a fresh start, then later I knew he already have a girlfriend. I gave way into their relationship, but continue the friendship with him. His girlfriend keeps on threatening me, and so he ended his relationship with her and came back to me. It was the start of my insecurity; “Now I am the girlfriend when before, I was the other girl. I wonder who is his other girl now?” This was the questions that keeps on bothering me. I often caught him having relationships with other girls through text or chat. This is why we are on and off and I became such a nagger, that every move he makes, I would suspect he would have someone else. Now, thats me being paranoid. Who wouldn’t with that kind of experience? It is hard to gain back the trust, but I was trying. With me being insecure, we often fight like cats and dogs, and when the time, we are not in a relationship with each other, we are so sweet, then with that sweetness, we would be back in each others arms again. We had a baby girl, but this does not stop us from being like cats and dogs. When we were off, he had a serious relationship with someone who is close to his family, I was lost, but I tried to move on. We could not avoid each other since we need our daughter to feel the warmth of both families. With us, seeing each other, we had created a baby boy. He broke up with his girlfriend upon knowing that I was pregnant. We tried to fix things, but again we lost touch. Though we became mature every-time we were together, I just couldn’t get a hold of him. Somehow, my insecurity has eaten the most of me, that I could not feel, nor he, the love we give from each other. This time again, he loves someone else. I respect his decisions. Of course, it hurts, specially because I have no special someone to hug and kiss, and valentines is nearing (not to mention I am turning 26 this January 30). Just seeing a heart shape breaks my heart.

Luckily when I was so down, God gave me someone whom I could talk to. I was again in contact with Apollyon, Mark and Kit. The three people who has been a special part of my life, helping me cope up with this broken heart of mine.

Apollyon is working as as system administrator, whom I could interact and ask questions regarding some coding and tech stuff about websites.

Mark is married, and his wife is due this coming May. My congratulations to him. Though we hardly communicate, he still gives me the praises I need.

Kit is also married and he has a 4 years old boy. He guides me spiritually and helps me bring everything to God. I often chat with him to express myself so that I wouldn’t go insane.

I am happy that the men I loved have found their happiness.

I know that one day, I would have a man that will love me for who I am and that we will be happy in each other’s arms.

So this is my lovelife for now …

This is my entry to evilwoobie’s Valentine Share Your Love Story Contest.

I love blog hopping, I learn a lot of things through it and encountered many friends as well. It helps me in dealing with life’s negativity and help me climb my way to success.

Here is a video worth sharing:

Source: http://thesecretbyrhonda.blogspot.com/2008/01/lovely-gratitude-clip-from-youtube.html