Posts Tagged ‘Love’

I don’t buy things for myself now. Even if my salary is above average, It’s not enough to finance the needs of my family.

I am a single parent, and an only child. Often, I would think that what will happen to me in the future, or to my family if my salary won’t be enough? Well, I guess I just have to work for my dreams to come true.

Anyways, my Mom bought me shirts. Actually, pretty much everything I am wearing everyday are either things given to me by my parents or cousin.

I guess being a Mom is like that huh? You just get too old for them, you’ll always be their baby. I am kind of like that to my kids too. Even I know they have millions of toys already, most of them broken within minutes after having it. That never stopped me from buying them more, even though my money is just enough for that.

Selflessness of being a Mom!

If you are close to me, then you might know that my Mom is not actually my best friend kind of Mom. In fact, in most of the days of our lives, we spent it arguing with each other. This morning was kind of different. It was one of the rare days that Mom would surprise me with her Mommy power.

What happened?

Well, I have been working my ass out to cope up with the financial needs in the house and my Mom knows that I do my best in everything. Even if we argue a lot, she knows that she brought me up well and that I am a responsible person.

So, when I arrived home from the office she asked, ”Aren’t you going to sleep yet?” I answered, “No, just finishing up some things to be able to work smoothly next week.” She then went down stairs, and when she came back, she brought me a cup of hot noodles. With a smile on my face, I said thanks. We had a bit of a chit-chat then I told her I am just gonna sleep now then work on things later when I wake up. She then leaves the room smiling.

I can’t help but appreciate her being a Mom when she does that, and maybe its good the she rarely do that for me to appreciate her greately.

Being a Mom is not a simple thing. Not all women are blessed to have this gift. God had choosen me to be a mother of two at a young age. I admit that I don’t think I was ready for such responsibility when I got pregnant, but I let His will be done. So, I take on love and life with an additional two precious lives attached to me.

Like my Mom, I think I am not the best friend kind of Mom, because often times when I correct my daughter, I lose patience and shout at her. But, that doesn’t stop us from loving each other. It hurts me when I do those kind of things. STRESS just sucks the hell out of me most of the time, that I could not control my temper. However, I do my best in avoiding those situations.

So, my daughter may be scared of me when I get angry, but at least she knows well enough that she could count on me for comfort. Just awhile ago, she went into my room bringing a fake flower.

She comes closer and tells me, “Mommy, this is for you.” I smiled and kissed her. She then snuggled with me in my bed and told me, “I locked my room.” She then covered her ears, “Lola Mommy is going to shout at me.” I smiled and say, “It’s okay. Mommy will handle it. Just go to sleep so that Lola Mommy won’t have the chance to shout at you.” So, not long after our talk, I heard a snore. She had fallen asleep while I was writing this post.

This is a beautiful day. I am feeling the love of the family and that just inspires me to work my ass out.

The title of the book is “You have the power to create love.” I was kind-of sad last week, so I decided to buy that since I heard Bo is a great inspirational writer. The first few lines I read got my attention. It was funny and I could sense the reality in it. I even thought I would buy one for “mi amore” to read, because he too would love it and have some laughs. However, in the mid part of the book, I notice that my smile is not as wide as it were when I opened the book and read those first lines; my smile is fading! It continues to fade, until I have reach to this point in where I thought I should express what I feel.

I haven’t finished the book yet, but I am like 80% done. This is the reason why I stopped:

… when I’m beating deadlines, very busy writing articles on my computer and then see my little son playing on the floor … I decide to leave my chair and sit on the floor with him …

I waste 35 minutes of my precious “executive” time for something that others would consider completely unproductive …

Did you notice something wrong in that statement? I DID! I would go straight to the point, it was the word “WASTE.” WHY it caught my attention? For me, that word is a negative one, and for him to use it as something to describe a time he spent for his son, just doesn’t seem to fit for me. A better statement could have been: “I SPENT 35 minutes of my precious …”

I am a person who often uses a wrong word in a statement, whether it be a dialect or english. I would then notice that after a second I mentioned it then try to correct myself if I have a chance to do so. Also, recently I’m noticing the goodness in things, so when a negative things come up, it really disapoints me.

Well, that’s me. What about you? What do you think?

Well, most of the times we do fight because of our differences. We just have different personalities, because we grew up in a very different scenario.

My Mom is a second child and my lola died not long after she was born. So, my lolo married the sister of my lola and they have two children. Her second Mom, though blood related, was really not as caring as a Mom should be; of course the second Mom obviously treated her children well or better than she treat the first two children of my lolo. So, that was the history of my Mom.

This is mine: I am an only child, and my parents tried having a child for 6 years before they had me. They adopted my Mom sister’s youngest son. It was not a legal adoption, however my cousin-brother Leo or Tong-Tong as we call him, stayed with my parents since he was just 2 months old. He may have different family name than ours, but surely we treated him better than my second lola treated my Mom.

I was born with a silver spoon and raised up like a princess while my Mom was raised like Cinderella by her stepmother. My Dad just happened to be a prince charming that made my Mom a princess, and now the Queen of our house.

When I was a teenager, I questioned if my Mom really loves me because she doesn’t seem to act like she does. Then I grew up and realized that when I was on my teenage years, I was selfish; All I ever think about is myself and how to enjoy it without thinking of the consequences and others. I guess it is a part of growing up, as we grow old we realized that we are not the only ones that needs to be happy and that we start to care for other people, have an open mind on things and strength to handle all life’s challenges.

In terms of love, my Mom is lucky that she had married her first love. Though, I was not as lucky (is it too early to tell? I am not married yet – so I guess, we’ll see); I could say that I have become a better person and learned what love is better than my Mom.

Often, our personalities would clash because she thinks that she is the only person in this world that knows how to love (yeah right!). I know, that my life now is not what they imagined it would be – but so far, I am happy and satisfied.

OKAY – With those differences we have, I have come to understand how she shows love and that is very different than how I would show it. My Mom is not good in speaking it, nor showing it, but there would come a time that if you would think or see deeper on her actions, you will get the real meaning of it.

Here are some of the situations I could explain:

• She drops me off to school and waited until my class is over and fetch me. This goes since I started going to school until I graduated in high school. If this was me, I would not waste my time sitting around just waiting, but you see – love is patient, so she waited patiently for me. I hate wasting time.
• She would blame me for the wrong things I have done, shout at me and would even bring it to my face repeatedly every time we fight. If this was me, I would only make a person realize his or her mistakes once by explaining it to him or her the moment or after he or she had committed it then the next day is a different one. I hate to repeat myself. However, my Mom just cares enough to remind me or maybe she is just too forgetful that she has forgotten she said those things to me already.

There are a million things that I could tell and show our differences and how I have come to realize the true meaning of her actions, but I could summarize in few words the reasons why I love her.

I love my Mom because even if she hates what I have become, she still loves me and my kids. Even though I am a mother and a professional, she still pampers me like a baby. I love her, because I have come to realize that as a Mother, there is no job in this world that could top how hard it is (because it is an ALL IN ONE job) – especially to be a full time Mom.

To tell you, me going night shift and to be able to spend my time with my daughter during the day time made me realize this things. Sleeping is a good thing, but to sacrifice it to see meaningful moments is worth more than a million treasures.

My favorite couple in Grey’s Anatomy. This is their story:

Have you ever felt being ready to accept things as life goes by?

I used to have this fear when I was in high school; whenever I go to the school, I would feel my heart pump so fast without even knowing what the reason behind that is. It happens almost everyday, even if there is no scheduled test or exam. Maybe, I was just too scared to face the daily challenges of life. But we can’t stop life or time, we have to face it and just go with the flow.

Recently, I have been feeling this contentment. It seems that I couldn’t do more than what I have, or I could die happy at this stage of my life.

I am just a simple person, with simple dreams:

• My dream job is to sit in front of a computer, in an airconditioned office and type all day long. – The PC or workstation I have may not actually be what I have pictured it before, but literally, I have my dream job.
• I wish to have a son and a daughter. – Though I was planning to have a son as my first child, but I couldn’t predict what, when or with whom Our Creator plan to give it to me, but He did! I am happy for this, since my cousin who has been trying so hard to have a girl for a child since her first birth, had 4 son’s and could never have a child again since it would endanger her life, so she didn’t get a daughter.
• I want the love of my life, love me back. – I have proven he does, but we just have to give way on some things in our life. I don’t know what’s going to happen to us, but just knowing we share the same feelings is enough for me. If I wasn’t patient enough before, I would be now. To live the life that Our Creator has planned for us, because we love Him and we owe everything to Him. Te amo tanto mi Polito, Te extraño.

The dreams I have that has not been fulfilled yet, is to have a house of my own and to live happily with the special person I love with my children.

Life is full of surprises!

A few days ago, I installed Bit Torrent to download movies for my daughter to watch. It turned out she got bored easily when she is the only one watching, so I joined her in doing so.

While we were watching the first movie I downloaded, which is Kung Fu Panda, I liked it that it made me want to download more. So, I did.

I was able to watch 2 movies that was on my GOT TO WATCH list, but it somehow disappointed me.

• Wanted – Angelina died … I don’t like it.
• Hancock – Two people in-love are fragile when together, so they have to be apart from each other for the good of the majority. What a sacrifice!

Hay naku … my heart almost melted with the sweetness shown by Alex to Beauty. Kainggit naman … sana ako rin

New year, new look, new posts and new topic. I was wondering what to put on my first post; perhaps it would be better if I tell a story of my life.

Let me start, I was born January 30, 1982; which would make me 25 years old today – Happy Birthday to me HURAAAAH. Some would say that I was born with a silver spoon, perhaps it’s true, because when I was young, I often get what I want. Maybe that would explain why I am so demanding – am I?

I studied Preschool to High school at Assumption – Iloilo, and college at the University of San Agustin. I graduated Bachelor of Science in Computer Engineering. At first I thought the course I took would give me a profession in where I could just sit in the computer and type all day long. Later, I found out that its mostly hardware that we are going to be working with, then I knew the course for me was supposed to be Computer Science – in which at first, I thought it’s a course for scientist. Well, it’s me… sometimes I do get kind of dumb.

After graduation, I can’t wait to have a job – hoping to work in an office, sit and type all day long; even if I am just hired as a computer secretary. I tried working in a call center – finished and passed the training period there, but the company is corrupt and therefore I decided to stop. The next job that came into my life is somewhat I call my Dream Job, sitting in a computer all day long and just type. I am grateful to have this job, because I could proudly say I got in this on my own.

It’s been more than a year that I have worked in this company. Met a lot of friends, got some enemies too. Its life, it’s normal to have those. My satisfaction with this company is enough to make me stay in here for long.

Love life, well I had a baby before I graduated college. I was never married, but my relationship with the father of my child made me comfortable and stronger in facing life’s challenges.

Likes… Fat men, why I like them? I had my first boyfriend when I was just 19 years old. He is a handsome fat guy. During our relationship I had a fling with another fat guy (just can’t get enough of fat guys). So I got caught, and both relationships ended. Since then, no one could catch my attention except for fat or big guys. I had another fat boyfriend, didn’t work out because he was so stupid. Then the father of my baby came into my life (he is of course fat), he seems nice at first but I found out he was such a playboy. Then another boyfriend (fat guy too) came, this time I know this guy loves me from head to toe. I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I was head over heels in love with him from the start, but the relationship got boring when he wanted me all to himself. Then I got back with the father of my baby that was the time we had our beautiful daughter. I can’t seem to accept his being playboy, so were better off as friends.

Seems to me I have explained almost everything about me in this post. I hope you would learn to understand me better with this blog.

Keep on visiting for an exciting adventure into my world.